Ahh the physical exam. A cornerstone of the physician’s diagnostic toolbox, a good physical exam can reveal the smallest of nerve damages to multitudes of over variances. What an amazing weapon that we as future physicians are given early in our careers. We have to learn this exam with about 250 points…all by heart. Now I’ve taken a physical here and there, but no doctor has ever checked 250 things on my body. I’m lucky with a 20 minute visit. But eh, we have an hour to do a physical exam on a standardized patient – aka actor.
So yesterday I got to practice on these SPs…and you can tell they are all actors. They are all hippies and smell like it too. Pretty disgusting actually. And they all try to act smarter than what they are and you can tell.
SP 1: “Oh I don’t want that student to touch me without washing his hands. I might get C. difficile.”
SP 2: “What’s C. Difficile?”
SP 1: “Oh…um…uh…it’s one of those superbugs like AIDS”
SP 2: “Yeah I knew that.”
You can now understand my frustration with these hippies. In addition they think they know more about the physical exam than the physician trying to teach us the exam. A little knowledge in a dangerous thing.
Let me rewind to my exam week. Anatomy final went good and so did Histo. I got what I had hoped to get and am extremely grateful for it. Looks like I get to keep my scholarship!
So let me summarize this whole last week for you. I took a personality test at the beginning of the week and found out I’m an “ISTJ.” I forgot what those stood for, but pretty much I’m a cold hearted mother fuckin badass out of hell. Or so I’ve interpreted on my own. Other than that we’ve ran through the whole physical exam and learned about interviewing patients.
We interviewed our first patient (another SP) as a group. The scenario is that she is a new patient to the Doctor’s office having just undergone a divorce. So the SP obviously has ulcers and has an underlying depression problem. She also keeps asking for her percocets. Being from a drug abusing part of the world, I know exactly what this means. Unfortunately, one girl “likes to see the good in people” and wants to prescribe her percocets right away. Dumbass. What can I say…I’m a cold hearted ISTJ.
Vanilla Bear’s patient told him that she had diarrhea. He laughed. Glorious.
Also, we got to play on the laproscopic surgery simulators that our school has. I surprisingly did great at it and even got complimented on by the trainer. It really made me feel good and I know it’s going to sound super cheesy and all…but it kind of re-ignited that spark inside me to WANT to do medicine. You know…the spark that’s been muffled and spat on by the onslaught of studying we have to do. That one. Also, the Riddler has been visiting that place ever since school started because she wants to be a neurosurgeon. God help us if she does become one.
Riddler: “Can I use gloves during my Physical Exam?”
Dr. Pudy: “No, use your hands but wash them.”
Riddler: “But I always use gloves.”
Dr. Pudy: “No.”
I’ve actually gotten to spend a lot of time with my buddies at the Cottage. I really feel better but know that on Monday, Biochemistry and Genetics starts… Biochemistry is supposed to be the hardest class we have. Oh well. Atleast I think I’ve figured out how to study this time as opposed to anatomy. I need to buy Dr. B a card thanking her for all her help. Here’s a Dr. Pudy quote.
Dr. Pudy: “Have you ever smelled a mothball?”
Dr. Pudy: “How’d you get the legs off?”
I imagine the Riddler saying “Inappropriate Dr. Pudy”
Faithful readers – Thank you for your patience. I actually considered quiting doing this because when I sit around thinking about blogging…it feels like work. But when I sit down in front of the TV and start typing my thoughts… I like it a lot. Try to keep my ass in gear about blogging please.